PROJECTION: HOW TO DEAL WITH PUT DOWN AND BLAME

The other day I came across this quote on Instagram and I thought to myself what a powerful message it holds. If you appreciate good qualities in others its likely that those are the things you appreciate about yourself. Conversely, if you acknowledge the negative qualities in others, those are the things you struggle with, fear or dislike. 

Not a long ago I was faced with a situation where I felt like I was constantly blamed and put down on purpose.

I thought I would look for a scientific & psychological explanation. Instead of being stuck in my subjective little bubble feeling bad about myself, I tried to go beyond and understand such behaviour from another perspective. 

The thing is, everyone is our mirror. We see only that which we are. Every person's reaction is only a projection of his or her own struggles & shortcomings OR strengths and virtues. If we acknowledge this in unpleasant situations and become conscious of it we will stop taking things personally.

PROJECTION: MAKE IT THE MOST POWERFUL WAY FOR DISCOVERY OF SELF AND OTHERS.  If we become conscious of our own reflections in others and vice versa it not only tells us who we are but it also provides us with an enormous opportunity to change for the better. 

So yes, projection is a great tool to transform your life. Even meditation teaches us that we cannot change situations or people, we only control our reactions. We have to start from ourselves. 

But to finish with my own experience - I didn't know what to do but I knew it was starting to affect me negatively. My question was:  How to deal with those who are constantly putting us down, blaming or criticising us? Here is what I've learned: 

1. Realise it is nothing personal. Don't ever allow it to lower your self-esteem or make you feel bad about yourself. People doing this are probably not happy, otherwise they wouldn't waste their precious time putting other people down.

2.  Do not react immediately out of anger or other negative emotions. You are bigger than that. Sometimes silence can be the best response - you can come back to this matter in an assertive way later. 

4.  Adress it. If you want to discuss what happened because the situation is especially annoying or hurtful, you can be honest and calmly express how you feel, for example: 'I know you didn't mean to, but what you said/did hurt my feelings. Please don't do that again." 

5. Know your truth. Do not feel bad or sad. Remind yourself of all your great qualities. Make a list of your positive characteristics. Or for every put-down write 3 things that prove the put down isn't true. 

A little tip: I was practising 'better feeling thoughts' technique by Esther and Jerry Hicks. I wrote a small paragraph about the situation and then my thoughts in sentences. I deliberately focused on shifting to more positive thoughts. For example: 

It is not nice how unfairly I was treated. (Feeling the same). I knew he/she would only look for my mistakes from the beginning. (Feeling worse). I understand this must be a very stressful and hard time for him/her. (Feeling better). I really tried my best. (Feeling better)... 

6. Learn to walk away from negative people. This one might be hard, especially if this is our friend, a family member or even our boss at work. But remember, you deserve to be treated nicely no matter what. Your inner peace and harmony are too important. 

To sum it up: Don't take anything personally - other's reactions might have nothing to do with you.  Do not retaliate - be the bigger (wo)man. Consciously look for ways to feel better about the situation. Do not let it bother you - know your truth. Surround yourself with positive people who appreciate you and treat you fairly. Be the positive & optimistic person and always find good in situations and people so you will attract even more goodness into your life!

Michaela